On one hand, the books say, get your pH and GH and KH right to bring out the best in your fish. On the other hand, conflicting reports from store operators and other aquarium hobbyists say, get it kinda sort of right and you'll be fine. Well, what the fuck?

Last week, my pH was 7.2 (too alkaline) and my GH was 7 (the upper end of soft, before it's classified as medium hard). I bought an acid buffer and got the pH down to 6.6. Good show! But an apparently unrelated thing happened on the way to proper acidity: my GH jumped two points. Nine is way too high for even a freshwater stalwart like the Neon Tetra to endure without stress.

The weird thing is that the GH out of the tapwater faucet is a deliciously low 4, although the pH is too high. To one of the smart guys at Nippon, I wondered aloud if there is a correlation with plumetting pH and spiking GH. The answer was roundly no.

My KH doesn't register at all, which, I was told, is a positive indicator of the water's desired softness. When I tested a second time a few hours later, the GH, instead of 9, registered at 8 -- better, but not perfect. Why the significant fluctuation in so short a time?

My substrate is basic, pet store large gravel that I rinsed vigorously. I would find it difficult to believe that the substrate is responsible for the odd high-mineral readings.

The water is a little milky from the pH readjustment, which I was told is not uncommon -- the milkiness passes. I'm left with assuming that the radical changes in acidity are somehow skewing GH results, although I understand that they're not supposed to be related. Doh!